Homeless nation

Having lived in the confines of the country, and a somewhat gated community, for the past year, I've missed out on the misery that is the ever-worsening homelessness situation in Montreal. 

As winter quickly approaches and being homeless takes on life or death proportions, I can't help but feel that I (and everyone else for that matter) should be doing a lot more to help those that this city seems to have forgotten.

Or chooses to ignore.

Last week, as I made my way from the metro to the office (I'm talking about a very short, maybe three-minute walk max) I counted over five homeless men sleeping on the ground. In the cold. With nary a blanket in sight.

I'm not ashamed to say it made me cry.

But crying won't help anyone.

With municipal elections about to head to the polls (November 3), I thought I'd go online and see what our city's politicians are doing saying about the sitch.

I was surprised glad to see that each candidate had, at the very least, taken the time to formulate a policy re: poverty. I was surprised shocked to see that l'Equipe Denis Coderre had not even announced a position re: the environment.

But I digress.

The Coalition Montreal Marcel Cote seems to have given the issue the most thought. According to the (handy-dandy) diagram created by the Montreal Gazette, his team plans to "build 15,000 social and community housing units over five years with assistance from (the) Quebec government, including a proportion adapted for the disabled or infirm. Develop a bank to make cooperative housing ventures more affordable as needed. Hire inspectors and create (a) database to track landlords and properties which aren't being maintained. Support organizations (that are) fighting poverty."

McGill's Centre for Research on Children and Families recently (2012) reviewed literature on homelessness in Canada. According to their findings, Montreal's homeless population was anywhere between 10,000 and 28,000 people in the early 2000s, with males making up a disproportionate percentage of the visible homeless population (and accounting for 91% of shelter users).

Those who know me well know why this issue is so important to me - and why it touches so very close to home. 

A home that I, unlike so many others, am lucky enough to call my own.

if you'd like to help Montreal's growing homeless nation there are any number of ways you can. From simply 1) respecting them as human beings (a simple smile and/or hello works wonders) and 2) education yourself about the homeless to 3) passing on gently-used clothing, bringing food and/or donating money to 4) volunteering... there is definitely something YOU can do to improve at least ONE PERSON'S lot in life.

For a list of resources (mostly shelters), click here and contact the one that speaks to you to find out what else you can do.

Thank you!

Love, life, (labels) and the pursuit of happiness

Like Seinfeld, Sex and the City spawned a slew of quotables that can be used in everyday life. Nary a day goes by, in fact, that a SATC quote, or situation (getting broken up with on a Post-It note, anyone?), doesn't come to mind.   

But maybe that's just me.

I was out for dinner at Il Cortile with a friend the other night when she unleashed one of the greatest compliments ever. 

"You remind me of Carrie," she said. End quote.

While some people may not view the above statement as a compliment, given Carrie's ever-so-slightly neurotic nature, I most certainly do.

Like Carrie, I'm a writer. Like Carrie, I'm a bon vivant of not just food and drink but also of clothes and shoes. Like Carrie, I'm blessed/cursed with a Mr. Big. Like Carrie, I have curly blonde hair... and so forth.

Like the actress who portrayed the ever-so-slightly neurotic writer, Sarah Jessica Parker (SJP), my initials also run the gamut of three characters - with J firmly ensconced as the middle one; UJL.

Freaky!

A couple of weeks ago, when my laptop suddenly crashed, I was reminded of the following quote from season 4, episode 8 (My Motherboard, My Self): "No one talks about backing up. You've never used that expression with me before, ever, but apparently everybody's secretly running home at night and backing up their work."

Like Carrie, obviously, I'm not one of those people. Unlike Carrie, my computer didn't die. Yesss...

Some SATC quotes are funny. "You can't swing a Fendi purse without knocking over five losers," "I like my money where I can see it - hanging in my closet," "I have a style and jewelled panties aren't it," and "All righty? He said all righty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "all righty,"" are some examples.

Some SATC quotes are life lessons, like "maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with," "They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style," and "You and I are like that red wall. It's a good idea in theory, but somehow it doesn't quite work."

And finally, some SATC quotes are just plain sad. "Oh, it's never different. It's six years of never being different! This is it! I am done! Don't call me ever again! Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name! And you can drive up this street all you want - because I don't live here anymore!" is a doozy. "We're so over we need a new word for over," is another.

By the way, I'm back in the city. I guess that makes me a citycountrycity bumpkin.    

 

Much ado about Miley

“To live in a culture in which women are routinely naked where men aren't is to learn inequality in little ways all day long. So even if we agree that sexual imagery is in fact a language, it is clearly one that is already heavily edited to protect men's sexual--and hence social--confidence while undermining that of women.”  

The above quote is from Naomi Wolf's (in my opinion) brilliant book The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women.

Here's another one: Women could probably be trained quite easily to see men first as sexual things.

But they aren't. 

And therein lies the Great Double Standard. 

The battle around the GDS has recently resurfaced, thanks in large part to Miley Cyrus' VMA performance. I say "thanks" as opposed to "due" because I think Miley has done us all a great service, as opposed to a disservice, by showing  that we've not, in fact, "come a long way, baby."

If anybody seriously thinks we've really come a long way... I have just one thing to ask: where the hellz are we going, yo?

The GDS is glaring when you examine the reaction to Robin Thicke's VMA performance and unrated Blurred Lines video.  He was the "victim" and everyone like boobs, respectively.

Double ick for Robin Thicke.

Miley's co-conspirator quickly sold her out on Oprah by the way, which is just one more reason he's a huge douche kabob.

Here's another one.

the very married mr. ick giving a young fan a colonoscopy

But I digress.

I am honestly surprised, nay shocked, at the amount of controversy stirred up by Miley's twerking, latex outfit, foam finger, Wrecking Ball video, Rolling Stone cover, movement. 

I mean... I can't walk down St. Catherine Street, open a magazine or watch a movie without having 10,000 tits rammed down my throat.

And that includes so-called feminists'. 

That's right, I'm talking to you Femen...

If supposed feminists think the only way to have their voices heard (ha!) is by putting on red lipstick, wearing a vinok and going topless then... let me repeat... where the hellz are we going, yo??

Femen was actually founded, and is controlled by, a man (big surprise right?) who thought young, pretty, topless blondes (that he personally "hand-picked," kind of like mr. ick) would be a good way for him to get his point across.

So Femen's point, just like pop culture's, pornography's, etc's, is to capture the male gaze. 

Excellent.

Does ojectification really equal empowerment? I don't think so. Even though Britney and Rihanna clearly disagree.
 

Strip clubs and dollar bills... double excellent! I feel so... empowered! 

The GDS debate is even more relevant in Quebec, where a new Charter of Values is threatening to disrupt the delicate (pH) balance reestablished since the last... ummm... incident.

Some Quebecers are saying the charter is being enacted to protect "oppressed women" who are being forced to wear religious garb such as the hijab and burqa. What they don't realize is that these same women will now have to choose between their faith and the economic independence provided by their jobs. 

The underlying message is that women who cover up are oppressed and woman who let it all hang out are empowered.

Good one male gazers! I see what you did there! 

Mathangi Arulpragasam, Maya, or MIA sees it a little differently.

Even though she's covered up, she's expressing herself. And that's as opposed to empowering oppressing herself. You see what she did there?

A recent spoof entitled HBO Should Show Dongs is a great comeback to the male gaze because feminists (such as myself... loud and proud) aren't saying we shouldn't show boobs. We're just saying the "dumb double standard," the one that purports that different moral structures should be applied to men and women, is as antiquated as the people who believe in it.

So "don't give us the shaft, show it to us!" We demand genital equality and the end of the GDS. For those of you who disagree with me, I hear Carl's Jr. just came out with a great new ad...

Triple ick. Covered in cheese.

One last word about Miley and the surrounding controversy.  I promise.

If Sinead O'Connor really wanted to do something in the spirit of "motherliness" and "love" she wouldn't have written an open letter with the word "prostitute" smattered all over it. She would have made a private phone call and shown a little respect, woman to woman. 

But I guess that's too much to ask from a famewhore.     

When life gives you lemons...

... make lemonade.

God knows life isn't easy. Sometimes, it's downright difficult, painful, depressing.  

But, like with most things, it's mostly what you make of it. 

So I say when life gives you lemons, simply add a little sugar... and make lemonade.

And the sugar that I speak of is laughter.

A friend of mine paid me a great compliment the other day. He said he always knew where I was because all he had to do was follow the laughter. Actually, he said the loud, honking laughter... but I digress.

They say laughter is the best medicine for a reason, zer! 

"We change physiologically when we laugh. We stretch muscles throughout our face and body, our pulse and blood pressure go up, and we breathe faster, sending more oxygen to our tissues." According to scientists laughter acts like a mild workout, increasing blood flow, raising the level of infection-fighting antibodies, boosting the levels of immune cells, lowering blood sugar levels, decreasing pain and improving sleep.   

All that and it's a hoot too! 

In order to ensure that y'all get your daily dose of medicine laughter, here is a compilation of things that made me laugh this week.

Miley Cyrus' best moments on SNL

Apparently Ms. Miley is now under fire from The Stroke Association for a joke she made about why she can't seem to control her tongue, "I'm having tiny strokes, yo!" but I personally thought it was high-larious.  

What are you going to tell me next? That you can't laugh at mental illness? The Silver Linings Playbook proves otherwise. 

And then there's this...

Classic Anderson Cooper (giggling like a little girl)

Cupcakes and Cashmere is a personal blog I try to visit on a regular basis. One of Emily Schuman's newest columns, Links I love, provided a well-deserved laugh this week. And without further ado, here it is: 22 Outstanding Neighbour Complaint Notes. LOL! 

For a guaranteed chuckle, I head on over to my other spirit animal's AOL online series, Candidly Nicole. In it, Nicole Richie brings her "unfiltered sense of humour and unique perspective to life" in a series based on her Twitter feed.

My other, other spirit animal, Chelsea Handler, is an author and comedian who totally cracks me up. Her irreverent late-night talk show and books have provided me with countless guffaws. And a few snorts.    

While the Kardashians are not exactly known for their sense of humour (especially Kim), Kourtney Kardashian has come out with some zingers... including a few that end with kabob. Douche kabob and slob kabob are two prime examples.

Proverb: If you're too busy to laugh, you're too busy...

Let's go to Paris' I wanna rob

After literally months of waiting I finally did it.

Watch The Bling Ring, I mean. 

The reason I waited so long was not because I enjoy delayed gratification, or cognitive control, but because it never came out in theatres.

In Ottawa or Montreal.

No wonder it bombed. 

From the moment it started, like the fame-obsessed teenagers it portrays, I was hooked.

And the opening song, Crown on the Ground by Sleigh Bells, didn't hurt. Not one bit.

Directed, written and produced by Sofia Coppola and inspired by real-life events chronicled in a Vanity Fair article by Nancy Jo Sales, the movie provides a not so pretty look at the people who crave, and those who have, the pretty things. 

The Bling Ring was a group of seven teenagers, also referred to as the Hollywood Hills Burglar Bunch, who lived in and around the celebrity mothership: Calabasas, California. They were a bunch of fairly wealthy, fairly confused and fairly adderalled teenagers who figured that being infamous was second-best to being famous.

And they had a taste for the finer things in life.

In total, they stole over 3$ million dollars worth of celebrity loot, including designer handbags, shoes and clothes, makeup, perfume and even underwear. Not to mention booze, drugs (hello five grams of coke found at Paris Hilton's crib!) and a gun (Brian Austin Green's).

There favourite "victim" was Paris but they also helped themselves to crap owned by Miranda Kerr, Megan Fox, Rachel Bilson, Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge who was particularly miffed at having to replace her custom-made denim, "jeans made to fit my body to my perfect shape."

Poor her.

Paris allowed The Bling Ring crew to film in her home and I was honestly shocked to see how much stuff she actually has. Rooms and rooms and rooms of stuff. An entire room dedicated to sunglasses. 

It's pretty gross if you ask me. And don't even get me started on the cushions depicting... what or who else?

Herself.

Narcissism 101.

In the end, The Bling Ring provides a fascinating "behind the closets" look at Hollywood's most wanted. It's well written, nicely filmed, and the music rocks.

 
As for the people it portrays... well, they're a pretty sorry bunch. Criminals and victims alike.

The Bling Ring was Rachel Lee, Nick Prugo, Alexis Neiers, Diana Tamayo, Courtney Ames, Johnny Ajar and Roy Lopez Jr.

Feeling fruity and nostalgic

What do you do with more fresh, garden-grown tomatoes than you can shake a stick at?

Make old-fashioned, home-made ketchup, what else? 

After a long, hot summer of planting, watering, twining, tending and, the moment we were all waiting for, picking, I was left with... lots and lots and lots of tomatoes! 

But one can only enjoy so much insalata caprese.

So, instead of wasting the bounty (as opposed to the Bountiful), I decided to contact the beau's mother for an old-fashioned, home-made ketchup recipe.

And she did not disappoint!

Made with (approximately) six tomatoes, six peaches, six pears, six white onions, three green peppers, 5 cups of granulated sugar, two cups of white vinegar, two tablespoons of salt and a teaspoon each of cloves, cinnamon, black pepper and celery seeds, the resulting fruit ketchup has a slightly darker hue than the store-bought variety and a complexity of flavour that is a joy to behold (and savour).

The entire process took about three hours with two pushkins (the mamita and I) working double-time. 

What was most time consuming was peeling everything. To properly peel a tomato, for example, you must first score it with an X before dropping it into boiling water. After about 30 seconds, you can take it out and immerse it in ice water. It is then ready to be peeled.

While peeling the tomatoes I was reminded of a particularly gruesome bris scene from Seinfeld.

Moving on...

After peeling, slicing, dicing, combining and bringing everything to a simmering, slow boil - while stirring often - we were left with lots and lots and lots... of fruit ketchup. Go figure!

Move over Heinz. There's a new ketchup boss in town.  

Walking the (fine) line

There’s a fine line between madness and creativity. It's hard to know exactly where it is, but it becomes pretty obvious once it has been crossed (think of Vincent Van Gogh lopping off his lower lobe, Ernest Hemingway pulling the trigger or Sylvia Plath turning the oven on).

I was perusing a friend's Facebook page the other day when I noticed a link to an article titled 'Creativity - similar to schizophrenia?' The article states that studies have shown "striking similarities in the thought pathways of highly creative people and those with schizophrenia." As someone who has known both highly creative people, as well as those with varying degrees of mental illness, I can't say I disagree.

While watching The View the other day (that's right, you heard me, The View!) author Stephen King made an interesting statement. He said that when he sits down to right a book he goes into a kind of trance. Once he's done, he's not even sure where his ideas came from.

He goes into an altered state of consciousness, one might say.

It's not surprising (to me, at least) that people able to write sentences poignant enough to elicit tears, paint paintings beautiful enough to take your breath away, or write music so powerful it literally brings you to your knees, have a little more going on up there than the rest of us.

We are all assaulted with a battery of sensory information - some might even call it overload - on a daily basis. Both schizophrenics and creative geniuses have a lower level of latent inhibition (LI). This means they don't filter, or discard, the information as readily as most.

The difference between schizophrenics and creative geniuses is what they do with the surplus. 

The creative ones are able to manipulate it without being overwhelmed by it while the truly mad ones simply allow it to seep into their consciousness, unable to distinguish between internal and external stimuli.

Creativity does have it's dark side though, with creative types more prone to depression, bipolar disorder and even schizophrenia. "People who have mental illness in their family (also) have a higher chance of being creative." 

As my spirit animal Jack Kerouac wrote in The Bible On the Road: the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.

Cue tears.