Kourtney's avocado pudding

I've never been a big breakfast person. For the past twenty years, I've probably had little more than a coffee and a banana on most days (except for those special ones where the beau made me grilled cheese sandwiches). Combine that with the fact that breakfast is supposedly the "most important meal of the day" and the result is... no bueno. 

But there's a new kid in town: Kourtney's avocado pudding. 

And by Kourtney I mean, obvs, Kourtney Kardashian.

yasss bitch!

On a recent episode (S11E2), Queen Kourtney was seen chowing down on an admittedly less than appetizing looking green pudding. When asked what it was, she said "an avocado, some milk and two tiny little teaspoons of sugar." 

After watching the episode, the recipe ran through my head for a couple of days. I tried to imagine what it might taste like but I couldn't. So I made it. And boy oh boy am I ever glad I did. 

It's delicious. And my new, healthy go-to breakfast.

Easy to make, avocado puddling literally requires nothing more than an avocado (not too ripe, as it gets a little ew when it starts turning brown), a cup of unsweetened almond milk (I'm partial to the vanilla-flavoured kind), a touch of sugar and a blender.

 heaven in a glass

Avocado pudding isn't the first tasty treat I've teefed from the Kardashians and it likely won't be the last. From their daily staples (iced tea and salad) to their special treats (churro and beignet) I'm all about keeping up with what the Kardashians eat. And how they eat it.

 iced tea

salad

So that's about it for now... all that's left to do is Instagram a photo of the pudding.

Or not. 

  

A living language (part 2) or English is ratchet

Since it's still fair to call it the beginning of a new year I thought it would still be cool (#goals) to post a follow-up to last February's A living language or English on fleek. If "language is forever changing" it's probably fair to say that 2015 saw its fair share of new words see the light of day. 

Here are my top ten:

1. Ratchet: While perhaps best known as a tool (ha!) also referred to as a socket wrench, "ratchet" is also used to describe something that is, like, super cool and awesome. Exhibit A: Nicki Minaj referred to Adele as "mad ratchet" in a tweet in response to her rap of a Monster verse on James Corden's The Late Show's Carpool Karaoke.

mad ratchet indeed

2. Basic: Basic is basically someone or something that is boring and unoriginal. It made it into the dictionary as such, in its slang version, in 2015. Personally, basic really made it on my radar when Kate Moss and Marc Jacobs posted a video of themselves calling out various "basic bitches" for escorting Ms. Moss off a plane.

"calling all the basic bitches"

3. Netflix and chill: While everyone knows what this means I remember a time, not so long ago, when I did not. If you don't I suggest you look it up, just for fun. NSFW.    

4. Squad: A squad is defined as a clique of friends, a gang or crew. The word is most often used in hashtags and in high schools. 

5. Ew: Ew pretty much means what it sounds like it means. It's no bueno. Popularized by Jimmy Fallon in Ew!, I'm pretty sure Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie were the first to use it.

"hashpipe like!" 

6. No bueno: Spanish for "no good" (duh!), "no bueno" is part of a larger trend of Spanish words and expressions, like "on fuego," being used for no apparent reason.

7. Slob (or douche) Kabob (or kebob): Popularized by the self-proclaimed queen (of life) Kourtney Kardashian, slob and douche kabob are terms of endearment used for Scott Disick.

8. A variety of phrases from Hotline Bling: Drake's much memed Hotline Bling popularized a variety of phrases, including "you used to call me on my cell phone," "you started wearing less and going out more" and "that can only mean one thing." 

400 million views and counting

9. Sauvage: While Sauvage is not actually used by anyone (yet) I strongly suggest it become Johnny Depp's new name.  Who's in?

Le Sauvage

10. AF: An abbreviation for "as fuck" most often used on social media to reinforce a statement (about oneself, of course). For example:

 Mood AF

Gif it up!

After a somewhat traumatizing evening (I won't go into details... suffice it to say, I'm traumatized!) and several somewhat politico posts, I'm ready for a laugh.

And nothing gets me laughing harder than my all-time favourite Kardashian: K.

(That was a trick. Those of you who know the Kardashians know that all of their names start with a k.) 

(Then again, those of you who know me know that my favourite Kardashian is Queen Kourtney.)

But I digress.

Since my name isn't Khloe, Kim, Kylie, Kendall, Kris or Kanye and I don't live in Calabasas, I most certainly don't have the privilege of knowing Kourtney personally.

Krap!

 

Well, I don't know about you but I feel somewhat better. 

Somewhat.

When life gives you lemons...

... make lemonade.

God knows life isn't easy. Sometimes, it's downright difficult, painful, depressing.  

But, like with most things, it's mostly what you make of it. 

So I say when life gives you lemons, simply add a little sugar... and make lemonade.

And the sugar that I speak of is laughter.

A friend of mine paid me a great compliment the other day. He said he always knew where I was because all he had to do was follow the laughter. Actually, he said the loud, honking laughter... but I digress.

They say laughter is the best medicine for a reason, zer! 

"We change physiologically when we laugh. We stretch muscles throughout our face and body, our pulse and blood pressure go up, and we breathe faster, sending more oxygen to our tissues." According to scientists laughter acts like a mild workout, increasing blood flow, raising the level of infection-fighting antibodies, boosting the levels of immune cells, lowering blood sugar levels, decreasing pain and improving sleep.   

All that and it's a hoot too! 

In order to ensure that y'all get your daily dose of medicine laughter, here is a compilation of things that made me laugh this week.

Miley Cyrus' best moments on SNL

Apparently Ms. Miley is now under fire from The Stroke Association for a joke she made about why she can't seem to control her tongue, "I'm having tiny strokes, yo!" but I personally thought it was high-larious.  

What are you going to tell me next? That you can't laugh at mental illness? The Silver Linings Playbook proves otherwise. 

And then there's this...

Classic Anderson Cooper (giggling like a little girl)

Cupcakes and Cashmere is a personal blog I try to visit on a regular basis. One of Emily Schuman's newest columns, Links I love, provided a well-deserved laugh this week. And without further ado, here it is: 22 Outstanding Neighbour Complaint Notes. LOL! 

For a guaranteed chuckle, I head on over to my other spirit animal's AOL online series, Candidly Nicole. In it, Nicole Richie brings her "unfiltered sense of humour and unique perspective to life" in a series based on her Twitter feed.

My other, other spirit animal, Chelsea Handler, is an author and comedian who totally cracks me up. Her irreverent late-night talk show and books have provided me with countless guffaws. And a few snorts.    

While the Kardashians are not exactly known for their sense of humour (especially Kim), Kourtney Kardashian has come out with some zingers... including a few that end with kabob. Douche kabob and slob kabob are two prime examples.

Proverb: If you're too busy to laugh, you're too busy...

SoCal speak

Speech patters, or the distinctive manners in which people speak, fascinate me.

Personally, I've always had a penchant for a slightly questioning tone or high rising terminal - one that rises slightly at the end as if the speaker is asking a question. 

Think Anthony Bourdain. 

Or Nicole Richie.

Known as "uptalking," it is a common trait in Spanish language speech patters which explains why it is so ubiquitous in Southern California.

And amongst the Kardashians. 

Also known as Valleyspeak (sorry Tony!), uptalking implies that the person speaking cannot be 100% declarative because everything they say ends with a slight... flourish. And it also usually includes a "like," or two, thrown if for good measure.

You, like, know what I'm talking about???   

One of the many reasons that I'm obsessed with the K-dashes is the way they eat. 

Especially Kourtney. 

She chews very carefully. And deliberately.

Just so.

She talks the same way. Enunciating. every. syllable. 

Especially her s's.

Lovesss it.

Apparently I'm not the only one who has a thing for the Calabasas dialect. Emma Watson, who stars in Sofia Coppola's latest film The Bling Ring, based her speech pattern on the manner of speaking prevalent in Calabasas, CA where the Kardashians are from.

Just saying.