The sound of the future

Sometimes I'm a trend setter (hello mid-finger ring). 

Other times, not so much. 

When Daft Punk's Random Access Memories was all the rage last year, winning Grammy Awards for Album of the year, Best dance/electronica album and Best engineered album (non-classical), I was somewhat out of the musical loop (focused, as I was, on my main bae Miley).

After listening to Bangerz on replay for well over a year I was finally ready to spread my musical wings, as it were, a few weeks ago. At first, I latched on to a few randoms like Lorde and Selena Gomez. Since then, I've moved on (kind of) to my new obsession: Daft Punk. 

Specifically, Giorgio by Moroder.

Apart from the sheer amazingness of the song, I was especially drawn to the story. Who, exactly, was Giovanni Giorgio and why, precisely, did everybody call him Giorgio?

 Giorgio then

 Giorgio now

Giovanni Giorgio was (and still is) Giovanni Giorgio Moroder (born Hansjörg Moroder). Widely credited as the father of both disco and electronic dance music (!), Moroder first started releasing music in 1966 and hasn't stopped since. He worked on a variety of film scores, including Midnight Express, Scarface, Flashdance and Top Gun, and has collaborated with everyone from Donna Summer, Blondie and David Bowie to Britney Spears and Daft Punk.      

He even created the main riff sampled by DJ Shadow in Organ Donor.

 tears, by giorgio

The more I read about this guy the more interested, and impressed, I am with him. I'm actually starting to get the feeling that he's behind every great song every written.

At 74 years old, Giorgio is one hepcat. 

Or, as he puts it, 74 is the new 24.

And now... back to Miley.

Last night, on my way home in a taxi, a very strange thing happened: the romantical Adore You started playing and the driver and I both started humming it at the same time. Before long, we were both full-on singing it. 

Adore You. At 4:30 in the morning. In a taxi.

Weird.

Nobody calls me Giorgio, by the way.

Here's to the queen of comedy!

Yesterday afternoon I received a text. 

It was from the beau and it simply said "your joan rivers died." 

While Joan Rivers was far from being solely mine, the news of her death did, in fact, hit me hard.

I never met her but I felt like I knew her. 

Thanks to her trailblazing stand-up comedy routines, her outrageous red carpet antics (she made the red carpet what it is today - before her, it was literally just a carpet), her hilarious (and touching) reality series Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?, the insightful documentary about her life fittingly dubbed a Piece of Work, her biting Fashion Police quips and, of course, her salacious In Bed with Joan web chat show, I came to know one of the funniest, and hardest-working, women in showbiz.

And if the most important thing to be able to laugh at is yourself, then she was definitely a pro at that as well:

   comedy central roast of joan rivers

Interestingly enough, I came to "know" Joan through one of her greatest critics: my gal Chelsea Handler. While the two had a well-publicized feud due to the fact that Joan accused Chelsea of sleeping her way to the top and being a "drunk whore," it is thanks to one biatch that I got to know the other biatch.

who is wendy williams and why is she drinking tea through a straw?

Like most comedians, Joan did not have an easy life. A crippling sense of insecurity (hello plastic surgery!), a marriage that ended when her husband committed suicide after their television show got cancelled and a fraught mother-daughter relationship all contributed to what made Joan who, and how funny, she was.

Watching her documentary was a real eye-opener for me. 

In it, she talks about being fearful of being unemployed and deemed "irrelevant." This from a woman who won wrote 10 books, appeared in nine films and over 60 television shows and sold "$750 million worth of jewellery on the TV shopping channel QVC," according to The Telegraph.  

 miley's tongue thrusting inspiration?

She also unleashes "the card catalog," a catalog of every joke she has ever written.

 the serious business of comedy

If Joan, the woman who "just wanted to be liked" was here today, she would see that she was more than just liked. 

She was loved. 

And she will be missed.   

Oh, and also, this explains a lot:

may the lady with the peace pipe rest in peace!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, money, party

March 31st, or the day I finally saw Miley Cyrus perform live, came and went with nary a comment from your favourite (well, maybe not YOUR favourite) blogger.

But I'm back from the abyss and ready to blog about MY favourite hot dog riding songstress.

Me and my two "smileys" decided to make a 24-hour extravaganza out of the event. We booked a "shwanky" room at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel, packed a wholesome picnic that included  a variety of libations and started the day off right... with a bottle of Moet & Chandon!

After a variety of activities, including a scratch-inducing dip in the hotel's hot tub and an upside-down twerking competition (also known as a twerk off), we were ready to hit the road. But not before we each found the perfect outfit to emulate, and honour, our idol.  

Due to my slightly less than successful attempt to create a stunning, last-minute black and gold french manicure we arrived a few minutes late, well into Miley's first song.

Sacrilege.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks - wrecking ball stylez.

Instead of being the coolest or best-dressed people there we were actually... the oldest.

As I ruminated on this eye-opening (and slightly depressing) turn of events I tried to imagine having to wear Miley's ultra high-cut outfits night after night.

 pussy cat

Grandma much?

Speaking of grandmas... turns out we weren't the oldest people at the show after all. There was a 70 year-old woman there with her gentleman friend who was clearly having the time of her life. 

As for the show, it was everything I expected. And more. The entire evening had a decidedly "turnt up" vibe that suited us just fine. 

And then it ended, slightly less elegantly than it began, with a visit to McDonald's. 

Moet, Miley and McDonald's. Who can ask for anything more, really?

miley merch

Love, money, party...








 

 

Miley March madness countdown

The countdown to "getting our twerk on" has begun! 

In exactly 24 days, me and the Rens get to see Miley Cyrus ride a giant hot dog at the Bell Centre. 

If that isn't something to look forward to I don't know what is!

I've professed my love, and admiration, for Miley on this blog before (like here, and here). Despite this fact, and the fact that she is a very talented singer, I regularly get met with inquisitive, shocked and even judgy looks of disapproval when I tell people that I'm a fan.

People act like she's the first woman to use her sexuality (in addition to her tongue and teddy bears) to sell albums.

Beyonce? Check. Britney Spears? Check. Katy Perry? Check. Lady Gaga? Check. Madonna? Check. Rihanna? Check. Shakira? Check. Xtina? Check. 

Etc.

The difference between her and them (apart from Xtina) is that she actually has the vocal talent to back up "her antics."

miley performing lana del rey's summertime sadness

What never ceases to amaze me is how people aren't critical of men who use naked women (I'm talking to you Robin Thicke in Blurred Lines!) as accessories, but are quick to judge women who... use themselves.

Or as Lily Allen puts it, "it's hard out here for a b$#*&!"

Gender inequalities aside... here's to fans of Miley including Bastille (who perform a decidedly "turnt up" version of We Can't Stop) and Sarah Blackwood, of Walk off the Earth fame, who delivers a a hauntingly beautiful version of Wrecking Ball with her equally talented friends. 

Friday five

"I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go."
Rita Rudner

When I first started this blog two years ago I planned on posting some kind of list every Friday, with five items. I was inspired by Cupcakes and Cashmere's Emily Schuman who dedicates Fridays to her five favourite things of the week.  

While I've somewhat strayed off the path I (perhaps over-enthusiastically) set up for myself, I'd like to get back on it. As such, here is a list of five things that I'd like to do in 2014.

1. Make osso bucco 
Okay, this is a bit of a lie because I actually made it two weeks ago BUT it was the first time I had ever made it AND it was in 2014. So there. I know veal is not everyone's bag, for obvious reasons, but the name osso bucco just sounds so round, and delicious, that I had to try it. I checked out a few recipes online, including Jamie Oliver's and Giada de Laurentiis', but both were a little ingredient-heavy (aka I didn't have all of them) so I made my own pared-down version which included: veal shank, butter, garlic, onion, carrots, stewed (organic) tomatoes, red wine, chicken broth and salt and pepper. It was the best thing I have eaten in a long, long time.    

2. Try roller-derby
Roller-derby is a contact sport played by really hot, tough, cool girls. (You see what I just did there? lol). Ever since watching Whip it, with Ellen Page, Juliette Lewis and Drew Barrymore, I have been dying to try my hand, foot, roller skate at it. I have also been scared. Really scared. I bruise easily, you see. I have a feeling one "game" of roller-derby would leave me black and blue for days - if not weeks. But I also kind of think that's hot, tough, cool!

On a semi-side note, but not really, I first heard Jolene, by Dolly Parton, while watching Whip It and immediately fell in love with it. 

You know who else sings Jolene?

My main gal.

Which brings me to #3...

3. See Miley Cyrus in concert
On March 29th me and my two Ren's are dedicating a full 24 hours to Miley... and twerking. We've booked a hotel room and plan to spend precious pre-concert time coordinating our outfits while getting turnt up and... twerking. I don't have anything further to say about this other than... can't wait!   

4. Make a budget (and stick to it)
I have never, ever, made a budget. I have also never, ever been in debt. Until this year. In an effort to understand, and curb, my spending as well as return to my previous debt-free status I plan on making a budget. Income, fixed expenses, variable expenses, debt repayment and, yes, savings will all be included and accounted for (as well as laughed/cried at). Gail Vaz-Oxlade (now that's a mouthful of letters) has a great online tool to help me get debt free by 2015.  Go Gail!

 

   who knew this to be untrue?

5. Learn Polish 
This is also a bit of a lie, admittedly, because I already understand Polish (what with being Polish and all). But speaking Polish is another matter entirely. I'm technically quadrilingual but two of my four languages leave something to be desired, namely Polish and Japanese. I've been trying to sign up for a relatively inexpensive Polish class with the McGill Polish Students' Association for several months now to no avail. Which means I have to get crafty... 

     

Much ado about Miley

“To live in a culture in which women are routinely naked where men aren't is to learn inequality in little ways all day long. So even if we agree that sexual imagery is in fact a language, it is clearly one that is already heavily edited to protect men's sexual--and hence social--confidence while undermining that of women.”  

The above quote is from Naomi Wolf's (in my opinion) brilliant book The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women.

Here's another one: Women could probably be trained quite easily to see men first as sexual things.

But they aren't. 

And therein lies the Great Double Standard. 

The battle around the GDS has recently resurfaced, thanks in large part to Miley Cyrus' VMA performance. I say "thanks" as opposed to "due" because I think Miley has done us all a great service, as opposed to a disservice, by showing  that we've not, in fact, "come a long way, baby."

If anybody seriously thinks we've really come a long way... I have just one thing to ask: where the hellz are we going, yo?

The GDS is glaring when you examine the reaction to Robin Thicke's VMA performance and unrated Blurred Lines video.  He was the "victim" and everyone like boobs, respectively.

Double ick for Robin Thicke.

Miley's co-conspirator quickly sold her out on Oprah by the way, which is just one more reason he's a huge douche kabob.

Here's another one.

the very married mr. ick giving a young fan a colonoscopy

But I digress.

I am honestly surprised, nay shocked, at the amount of controversy stirred up by Miley's twerking, latex outfit, foam finger, Wrecking Ball video, Rolling Stone cover, movement. 

I mean... I can't walk down St. Catherine Street, open a magazine or watch a movie without having 10,000 tits rammed down my throat.

And that includes so-called feminists'. 

That's right, I'm talking to you Femen...

If supposed feminists think the only way to have their voices heard (ha!) is by putting on red lipstick, wearing a vinok and going topless then... let me repeat... where the hellz are we going, yo??

Femen was actually founded, and is controlled by, a man (big surprise right?) who thought young, pretty, topless blondes (that he personally "hand-picked," kind of like mr. ick) would be a good way for him to get his point across.

So Femen's point, just like pop culture's, pornography's, etc's, is to capture the male gaze. 

Excellent.

Does ojectification really equal empowerment? I don't think so. Even though Britney and Rihanna clearly disagree.
 

Strip clubs and dollar bills... double excellent! I feel so... empowered! 

The GDS debate is even more relevant in Quebec, where a new Charter of Values is threatening to disrupt the delicate (pH) balance reestablished since the last... ummm... incident.

Some Quebecers are saying the charter is being enacted to protect "oppressed women" who are being forced to wear religious garb such as the hijab and burqa. What they don't realize is that these same women will now have to choose between their faith and the economic independence provided by their jobs. 

The underlying message is that women who cover up are oppressed and woman who let it all hang out are empowered.

Good one male gazers! I see what you did there! 

Mathangi Arulpragasam, Maya, or MIA sees it a little differently.

Even though she's covered up, she's expressing herself. And that's as opposed to empowering oppressing herself. You see what she did there?

A recent spoof entitled HBO Should Show Dongs is a great comeback to the male gaze because feminists (such as myself... loud and proud) aren't saying we shouldn't show boobs. We're just saying the "dumb double standard," the one that purports that different moral structures should be applied to men and women, is as antiquated as the people who believe in it.

So "don't give us the shaft, show it to us!" We demand genital equality and the end of the GDS. For those of you who disagree with me, I hear Carl's Jr. just came out with a great new ad...

Triple ick. Covered in cheese.

One last word about Miley and the surrounding controversy.  I promise.

If Sinead O'Connor really wanted to do something in the spirit of "motherliness" and "love" she wouldn't have written an open letter with the word "prostitute" smattered all over it. She would have made a private phone call and shown a little respect, woman to woman. 

But I guess that's too much to ask from a famewhore.